Sunday, January 4, 2009

Another birthday...

I won't lie and say I haven't wallowed my fair share the last few weeks...I have. I was sad about being laid off, sad of the thought of my Pop not being there at Christmas and my birthday, just generally sad. On my birthday I went to the memorial garden to talk to my Pop...I can't explain why I needed to go, I just did. There I was in the freezing rain, a little insane, but hell, like the song goes it's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to. I remember thinking that day that I'm a year older and I feel completely lost in so many ways. The world seems crazy, and a lot of the things that should be a comfort to me aren't anymore. I want to have faith that my father is in a better place, but the lump in my throat tells me my gut doesn't believe it right now, and the thought that he's gone, that one day we'll all be gone, never to see each other again, well, I feel like I've gotten a year older and less sure about everything. Even my job situation flies in the face of everything we're taught. We tell kids to work hard in school so that they can go to college, and then they'll find a job and if they work hard, keep their noses clean, that they'll be okay. I feel robbed, and confused about what I should tell Little Man. And on my birthday, I allowed myself to wallow a little. I allowed myself to be mad that my Pop is gone.

Sorry to be bleak, but you can't have happy moments in life without the sad, and I suppose here on my blog you just never know what you might be reading. But my tale gets lighter, because I took a deep breath, headed back to my Mom's house and did what any craft chick trying to be positive would do...I crafted with two little boys cute enough to put a smile on the most confused and sad of people. Because if they're around, how could you stay sad?

We made Christmas tree magnets! My Mom came up with the idea, and sticky back felt helped the process go a lot smoother! Ethan is above standing with his to the left, and Little Man is below with his!

Later, after chicken divan for dinner (yum!) Mom read The Christmas Day kitten to the boys while I wrapped last minute deliveries.

And then, before chocolate cake and ice cream, I opened some pretty cool gifts. We're talking iTunes gift cards, a bracelet replicated after one Jackie O wore (which is special because the Kennedys are fascinating to me), the Knitting for Peace book (with patterns for charity knitting), the 3rd Season of Beverly Hills 90120 (and yes, I was VERY excited), two turtlenecks (which was cool since I only asked for one..a black one to replace my favorite faded black turtleneck), and the book In Cold Blood.

And so, Christmas Eve, my birthday, came to an end with my Mom, Hubby and I watching The Women on dvd, me feeling more back to normal, and all of us looking forward to watching the boys on Christmas. Oh, and no, you can't tell how old I turned by looking at my cake, I didn't turn 40!

Coming up: Christmas, 2008 projects, movie reviews for Australia, The House Bunny, Seven Pounds, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the first finished project of 2009, and current projects.


Anonymous said...

A special tribute to a very special man. How lucky he was to have known you and to be there for your graduation from VillaNova Law school. He will always be a part of all of us. Heaven knows how sad some moments were this holiday season without him , but, you are correct in saying how the boys smiles helped ever so much. Crafting with them is just the absolute best way to feel cheered up...besides..once you and I get an idea...who could possibly stop us? Love, Mom

Virtuous said...

I am know you are feeling a little lost and out there right now, but have faith that God has it all under control.

Glad your birthday was nice and filled with love from family!!

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